Friday, August 31, 2012


I had a great birthday. My littles made up a song and dance for me. Man, I will sure miss that kind of thing when they get too cool for it. I am so thankful for my family.

Got the call today, I didn't get the job. The woman said I would have gotten it if I didn't have a job. At the interview I told her I would have to give two weeks notice (I'm not a bridge burner.). The person they hired was unemployed and could start right away. She said she would keep my resume just in case. I am thankful I have a job and wasn't counting on that one.

All of your comments yesterday really made me smile. Enz had me flat out laughing! I am so thankful I found this tribe of women who are serious about getting healthy and fit. You guys give encouragement, laughs and an ass kicking when each are needed.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

You Say It's Your Birthday

It's my birthday! Hoo-freaking-ray! Forty-three years ago today the world was graced with my presence. This morning I got the birthday present of two pounds down on the scale since Monday!

Just because it is my birthday does not mean I will be going off the rails today. Breakfast is the usual eggs. Lunch is the usual salad with grilled chicken. Dinner is special tonight.

Your birthday dinner should be special. And you shouldn't have to do clean up. What's the special dinner? Shrimp and salad. Plain boiled shrimp and a nice green salad. Some people may think that's kind of a sucky special dinner but some people do not know how much I love shrimp. There will also be no chance of gorging on the shrimp because there is just enough for everyone.

For those spouses, partners, family, and friends who have loved ones who are trying to lose weight:

I understand you want to do something special for them on their birthday. Here is how you do it:

"Honey, I know tomorrow is your birthday. I know you are also trying to be healthier. What should we do about cake? I don't want you to go off track but we want to celebrate too."

Then the fatty should respond, "Let's get one of those fruit plates from the store."

My husband asked what he should do, what an amazing,  supportive guy!

I have to also mention though that in the 14 years we have been together, he has never once bought me a birthday cake. Not for my 30 or 40. Last year I had a cake because I bought it. So my first response wasn't really "get a fruit plate". My first response was "What difference does it make, you've never gotten a cake before?" My second response was "get a fruit plate". But that story isn't as awww inspiring as the first one.  He is still a very supportive guy.

My point is, your birthday isn't a reason to eat crap if you have a ton of weight to lose. Paleo cakes included! I would rather have more birthdays than die sooner of an obesity related illness. Celebrations aren't about food and we need to stop making them revolve around food.

Have a happy my birthday!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012



Day one of Allan's challenge. On track! I'm baaaaccckkk!

Ken went to doctor. He has to have another procedure. A scope of his esophagus this time. Doctor couldn't even tell him what it was by looking at CAT Scan.

Ken also went to dentist and is having a major problem with two teeth. How major? $3000 with no dental insurance major. Or they can pull them for $600. Only problem is one is a bicuspid. Then again, maybe we could get a show on TLC....

My final two college classes began. There is a crapton of work to be done.


Food all figured out.

Job interview at 4:30.

I'll keep you posted!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Good, The Bad, The Shameful

The Good

There was no cancer detected in Ken's remaining lung!!! Hallelujah!!

The Bad

The stub, for lack of a better word, where his right lung used to be will likely be causing him problems in the future. The way it was cut or the way it healed is going to make it prone to infection.

The other bad: the bulge in his esophagus. Back to Philly on Monday for an appointment with the gastro specialist. I hope they can do something that doesn't involve more surgery. The man is about surgeried out.

The Shameful

Me. I am the shameful. In the last two weeks I have gained ten pounds. I weighed this morning to send my weight to Allan for the Grandson of Triple Dog Dare challenge. I think that's what it's called. Anyway, I weighed and then cried. I'm back up to 264. WTF is wrong with me? Every food choice I've made the last couple of weeks has been bad. No, it's been a fucking trainwreck.

Yeah, I have lots of things going on that could be handy excuses. The real reason is I am weak and self indulgent. There will always be something going on. I need to suck it up and deal with it.

I signed on for Allan's new challenge. For some reason challenges, like the one Allan had a few months ago and the Whole 30, work for me. My competitive nature won't let me fuck up. It's only when I have to deal with myself that I screw it all up. Going to have to work on that.

So there it is.

PS. Thanks for checking on me Enz, I appreciate it.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


Yesterday we found out that, due to economic reasons, our church will be closing in the next month or so.

I've been going to this church for fifteen years.
I met my husband in this church.
I got married in this church.
Had my children in this church.
Went through my unemployment and my husband's unemployment in this church.
Went through two bouts of Ken's cancer in this church.
Last year after Ken's surgery, when we had no idea how we were going to pay for Christmas, the people of this church gave my family an awesome Christmas.
My children adore so many of the people in this church and they are adored right back.
This church has been family to us.
I dread telling the kids.
I'm just sad today.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Continued Craziness

Another crazy week behind me and two more in front of me.

First: Weigh in: 254 which is a two pound gain. Let's just say there was no Constant Vigilance.

Ken update: Have I told you about his swallowing problem? He can feel full way too fast or sometimes have to vomit in the middle of dinner. He had a barium swallow last Thursday. Turns out his esophagus starts out going straight down, then bulges out and goes back to straight down. The food is making a pit stop in this bulge which causes a feeling of fullness or if enough gets caught, can make it the food come right back up. He has to see a gastro doc. He has to call for this appointment today.

Friday he will have the bronchoscopy. We have to be in Philly at 7am. So we'll be leaving the house at 5. I am so not a morning person. I'm not worried about over sleeping. I figure I'll be so wound up I just won't sleep at all.

Let me tell you, I am so anxious about this test. I think I may be more anxious about this than I was when they did majorly invasive surgery and removed his lung. If there is cancer present there just isn't too much they can do for him. So, ahh, fuck. I have to stop talking about this right now. I'm pretty sure you guys can figure out what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

Bad segue:

A week from today, I have to move the oldest back to college. She is a Resident Assistant so she goes back earlier than the rest of the students. Since it is a Fall semester there will also be Freshman orientation. I'll miss her because she's my kid and I like her. Her sisters will REALLY miss her. But a twee part of me will be glad she is going back. Unnecessary drama seems to be her super power sometimes.

Also this week is preschool orientation for my baybeee. We were able to get her in to Head Start and I am so happy for this. We weren't sure if she would get in because we were a few hundred dollars over the income limit. She is so excited to go to school!

My other Summer class ends two weeks from this past Saturday and my final two classes start two weeks from today. I would love to just bang out my last few assignments, take the final and be DONE. I will probably be working right up to the midnight deadline with the way my schedule is looking.

Was hoping to be able to take a couple of days off from work to relax but they got sucked up with medical procedures and moving day. Oh well, I'll be done with school in November and will get a huge chunk of time back when that happens.

Better get back to work now.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Need a Weekend for My Weekend

It was a busy weekend!

Had the usual runaround get errands done Saturday.

Saturday night, as planned, I went to dinner with some of my old high school friends. I haven't seen two of them since we graduated 25 years ago. I swear one of them has a time machine because she looks exactly the same (minus the big 80's hair). We went to a little Mexican place in a sketchy neighborhood. The food was amazing. Fresh, homemade, delicious. I love the mom and pop authentic places, the chains just can't touch them.

We finished around 7:30 and decided to do a drive by the old high school. It hasn't changed. We sat in the parking lot for a few minutes. Maria asked if we were going to knock on the convent door and the rest of us, emphatically and in unison "NO!"

I suggested we crash the reunion. Sue, just like back in the day, egged me on, "Yeah, let's do it!"

Maria: "We can't do that, we weren't popular."
Me: "We weren't? I thought we were."
Maria: "No, we weren't."
Me: "You are forty fucking two years old, who cares?"
Sue: "What's the worst that could happen, they throw us out when they figure out we didn't pay the $100?"

So off we went and crashed the reunion. What bad asses. I saw the other five people I was interested in seeing. Saw a crapton of people I couldn't have cared less about. Tried to figure out if one woman had any original parts left or if it was all silicone and well hidden staples. And was in my bed by 11:30. I told you- bad ass!

Sunday we had a pool party after church. My kids were in heaven. I dragged them out and manages to get them to eat a chicken leg, watermelon and some grapes and back in the water they went. Food was easy at the party- hamburger patty (no cheese, no bun), lots of salad, some fruit and water. (Jenn, you were right, cheese just isn't the same any more.) I started the day with a headache. I figured it was left from the night before. Too many different perfumes in a too hot room aggravated my allergies. As the day progressed, I felt worse and worse. Even Kenny asked me if I was ok. I pretty much just sat in the shade watching my little water sprites.

Came home and took a nap. Woke up feeling a bit better, hung out with the family for a little while,did some laundry and went back to bed.

Here it is Monday again. The weekends fly. Hope everyone had a great one.

Friday, August 3, 2012

A Bit Calmer

Thankfully things have calmed down a bit.

One summer class done. What a bitch that one was! Ridiculous math class is over on August 25. Last two classes start August 27. I really thought I had a week before the Fall classes started but I was wrong. I have one day off. Oh well, these are my last two classes and then I am DONE!

We went out to Philly for Ken's follow up. The space where his lung was has finally filled up with fluid! They are a bit concerned about his weight loss. He has trouble swallowing sometimes. Sometimes the food makes a return appearance. This could be a side effect of the radiation or it could be everything is shifting into the space where the lung used to be. This is expected but his pipe may be shifting into an odd position making it difficult to swallow. They have him scheduled for a barium swallow in two weeks. The doctor was happy with his (attempted) nutrition but is concerned about weight loss. He advised him to get in more calories even if it's cake and ice cream. I actually have to keep crap in the house on doctor's advice! It's ok, I bought him Klondike bars. He  loves them and I hate them. What would I do for a Klondike bar? Not a damn thing, they are gross. Now if it was my homemade cinnamon apple ice cream? Then we'd have a problem.

The doctor also wants him to have a bronchoscopy on his existing lung. So after he does the barium thing he will have a consult with the pulmonologist and get that scheduled. This is the procedure that will help me relax a bit. The doc said his CAT scan came back looking good. Problem is, his cancer never showed on a CAT scan to begin with. The man had Stage 3b cancer and it never showed on a scan. The first bout of it was found when his local doctor did a bronchoscopy and saw it with his own two eyes. The second bout was found after a bronchoscopy at the big city cancer hospital. When that doctor came out to talk to me after the procedure he said (and I will never forget it because I thought he sounded like an unprofessional douchebag), "I didn't see any cancer hanging off of anything so I think he's ok." After getting back the pathology reports it turned out it was ALL cancer and they had to take the lung. Yeah, so I won't relax until after we have the pathology back from the new bronchoscopy.

Enough of that...

It's been two weeks and two days since I ended the Whole 30. I ended at 254. Today I weighed 252. Kind of crappy- two pounds in two weeks. I haven't been as diligent as I should be. Too much stress eating. I also added dairy back in and I'm thinking that might not be great for me, at least not in the quantity I've been having. I'm going to cut that again and see what happens this week.

On the mono front- I'm tired, really tired. Other than that I'm good.

My 25th high school reunion is tomorrow night. I'm not going. It is too expensive, mostly for the open bar I think and since we don't really drink it's a waste. One of the women I used to hang with in high school messaged a bunch of us and long story short, we are meeting for dinner at a Mexican place tomorrow night instead. So mini 25th reunion is tomorrow. I plan on getting shrimp fajitas, hold the tortilla, cheese, and sour cream. No booze, no dessert, just good times with old friends.

Have a great weekend!!