The Good
There was no cancer detected in Ken's remaining lung!!! Hallelujah!!
The Bad
The stub, for lack of a better word, where his right lung used to be will likely be causing him problems in the future. The way it was cut or the way it healed is going to make it prone to infection.
The other bad: the bulge in his esophagus. Back to Philly on Monday for an appointment with the gastro specialist. I hope they can do something that doesn't involve more surgery. The man is about surgeried out.
The Shameful
Me. I am the shameful. In the last two weeks I have gained ten pounds. I weighed this morning to send my weight to Allan for the Grandson of Triple Dog Dare challenge. I think that's what it's called. Anyway, I weighed and then cried. I'm back up to 264. WTF is wrong with me? Every food choice I've made the last couple of weeks has been bad. No, it's been a fucking trainwreck.
Yeah, I have lots of things going on that could be handy excuses. The real reason is I am weak and self indulgent. There will always be something going on. I need to suck it up and deal with it.
I signed on for Allan's new challenge. For some reason challenges, like the one Allan had a few months ago and the Whole 30, work for me. My competitive nature won't let me fuck up. It's only when I have to deal with myself that I screw it all up. Going to have to work on that.
So there it is.
PS. Thanks for checking on me Enz, I appreciate it.
Glad to hear the good news, hope the bad turns out to be not-too-bad going forward (I think it's better to know what to expect, try to deal with it in a preventative way if you can, etc. but still a lot to have on your minds). Shame is a powerful emotion, miss...use it to your advantage. Maybe another Whole 30/no-brainer "I don't eat that" switch-up is in order? You know you can do it. *I* know you can do it. Go do it.
ReplyDeleteI believe in you too.
ReplyDeleteWeak and self-indulgent? Or just programmed by a life-time of imperfect habits? Try not to be *too* hard on yourself. It happened, it sucks, but you've looked reality in the eye and now you can move forward. Gaining 10 lbs doesn't have to turn into 20. You've been successful in losing before, and you need to remind yourself you'll be successful once more. Remember that a recovering alcoholic can just swear off alcohol for life - but a person recovering from food-issues can't just swear off eating forever! It's a tricky path to navigate, and at least you're learning what does and doesn't work for you, mentally AND physically. You got this.
ReplyDeleteThe Good: Thank God.
ReplyDeleteThe Bad: Praying for you.
The Shameful: you joined Allen's challenge, you are gonna gain control and lose weight. You are gonna fucking win this challenge and today's shame will be tomorrow's victory.
You know what? I think I love you guys.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in the challenge. You will kick ass:) And I'm VERY happy to hear your good news...and have fingers and toes crossed that the bad works out much better than it sounds. Prayers and good vibes your way:)
ReplyDelete