Data Dump

Yesterday I went back in the blog to see when I did the Whole 30. I noted the weight I was when I ended the Whole 30. Last night I got to thinking about the ups and downs and the why of it. Why did I crap out and regain? This morning I went back and looked at where I went off the rails. (My navel gazing probably isn't all that interesting so feel free to skip this post. I'll understand.)

I started trying to lose weight and be healthier in general on February 27, 2012. I weighed 317.
June 17, 2012- I weighed 269. Down 48 lbs.
July 18, 2012- Finished a Whole 30 and weighed in at 254. Down a total of 63 lbs.
August 3, 2012- Weighed 252. Total loss of 65 pounds. This was the lowest I got.
From August 3 through October 17 I bounced around between 261 and 254.
On October 17, 2012 I weighed 255 (total loss of 62 pounds).
The next weigh in I had recorded was on November 16, 2012. I weighed in at 278. Up twenty-three pounds from previous weigh in a month before. Crazy time at the Jersey Shore. Total stress eating fail.
For the last five months I have been right around that weight, clocking in at 273 yesterday (total loss of 44 pounds or a total gain of 18 pounds depending on how you look at it).

I am not happy with how I let myself fail and stall. I have said it before and feel like an ass saying it again but here I am, saying it again. I don't want to be one of those fat bloggers who weighs the same ridiculous weight year after year.

On August 3, 2013 I want to weigh less than I did on August 3, 2012. So, less than 252. That's twenty-two pounds in fourteen weeks and three days. It is absolutely achievable. I lost 65 pounds in sixteen weeks last year.

If I can't lose twenty-two pounds in fourteen weeks and three days, I might as well just throw the towel in because then I am just a fat train wreck.

Whole 30

Hi guys. Tax season is over and I can breath a little. I've never been a prolific poster on this blog and have been feeling it even less lately. After three years of term papers I find I don't much feel like writing.

My weight has been holding at 273. Too much dairy and bread and not enough vegetables and diligence. On May 1 I will be joining Norma and her minions in a Whole 30. Like a typical fat girl I am putting a condition on it- I am going to continue to use the About Time protein powder in the morning.

I did a Whole 30 in June/July 2012. I felt great and lost 15 pounds. I would like to lose 20 this time around.

**ETA**
Ah shit. Was just reading over the Whole 30 site and saw that protein shakes are a no no. I thought it would just be the stevia that was non-compliant. I started using the About Time a month ago and love it as a nice, easy, protein filled breakfast. I am not a morning person and having to think about what to have in the morning is usually beyond my abilities. Crap, guess I'll go back to hard boiled eggs.

Checking In

It's been a month since I've posted. I had a lull last week but spent that time reading blogs rather than writing them. Coming in to the home stretch of tax season, just three weeks to go. Unfortunately these weeks can be very stressful. Most of the people filing now owe money. And they aren't happy.

Last time I reported a weigh in I was 277. Today is 273. So four pounds in a month. Not great, spent too much time in my head this month. Six week loss of 15 pounds. Total loss since starting Feb/March 2012 is 44 pounds. 

I really want to kick it in to high gear. I want to be the involved mother this summer. Not the mother who is so fucking fat she can't do anything with her kids. 

And I want collarbones like Norma. 

I'm Here

Quickie update:

Still here, tax season sucks, have another head cold turned sinus infection but everything else is pretty good.

Today I weighed in at 277. Last weigh in was Saturday February 9 at 288. Eleven pounds down in just over two weeks. I'll take it. That brings me back to 40 down total. Still regaining ground but feeling strong and confident.

See you the next time Norma reminds me to post ;)

Crazy Train

Quick, posssibly grammatically incorrect post.

I passed my last two classes. B+ in both. I am a college graduate!! Now to find a new job.

I am just starting to get back to normal after that whole head/throat sickness. I completely lost my voice, had a crapton of snot everywhere and missed four days of work. Yeah, felt like complete crap. Still a bit clogged and hoarse but I can deal with it.

Blogging and commenting are at an all time low. Reason one: my oldest daughter's laptop crapped out on her. Since I am done with school, she took mine back to college with her. Hopefully I will regain custody in May. I have to share the desktop with the husband and two other kids. Well, the two kids don't do much on it. Although my four five (since Saturday) year old is hooked on Yo Gabba Gabba YouTube videos. She likes the music but not the rest of the show so this works for her.

Reason two: tax season. I read your blogs, I just don't have the time to comment much. I read as a little break from the numbers. So here are some comments:
Enz- hope your shingles are getting better.
Jenn- that was a crazy list of bloodwork results. I know you'll make the right decisions.
RaeRaeJ- the 160s are right around the corner, I know it!
Leah- can't wait to see your makeover video!
Maren- sorry to hear about your trouble.
Lyn- pick one thing and stick to it.
SB- bulky idling- love it
Diane- I love your thought provoking posts
Norma- Glad things are getting back to normal up there. Bad weather sucks.
Jeanette- I hope those damn painters finish today! Hang in there.
I know I have forgotten so many people and I'm sorry. I am reading and cheering you on (or rolling my eyes at you).

Ok, onto the weight front. Complete suckage and gainage for a while. Then a couple of days ago my husband said something that changed things. I was looking for something to eat. He put his arms around me and said, "Are you giving up?" He flinched and tried to change it around to something else. My first thought was "Why you mother fuck...Ah shit, I hate it when he's right." So we had a talk about what was going on in my head (I'll tell you some other time, I've got to get back to work), what I wanted and needed and was just generally reminded how awesome my husband is. Now we are stocked up with great, clean food, a plan, and a renewed spirit.

I don't know why I do this shit to myself. Well, actually I do know why, I don't know why I don't stop doing it. So here I am. Saturday I weighed 288.5. Today was 286. Heading back down. Damn, that was hard saying for what? the fourth? time in a year that I screwed up. I don't want to be an eye roll, head bang inducing trainwreck. Fifth time's the charm.

Have to jump back on the mother fucking crazy train to taxland.

Need Sleep

I have been sick since Sunday night. I mean go to a doctor, missed work four days sick. Trust me, that's sick.

But I managed to submit the last assignment for the last class for my degree! Final paper worth 40% (crazy) of my grade. Let's hope I pass and can graduate.

I just want to go to bed. Maybe I'll even sleep.

Yeah, Happy New Year

Didn't realize I haven't posted since Christmas Eve. Things have been really friggen crazy.

Work has been insane. I had to do a crapload of year end payrolls, W2s, 1099s and the like. Now sales tax is due.  Followed up by a ton of bookkeeping just in time for tax season to really ramp up. My boss is a total asshole and has been proving it on a near daily basis.

I am down to crunch time with the college stuff. I have to have all work done by January 31. I have so much to do and am completely stressing out over it. Anyone want to write a ten page case study on their workplace for Managerial Communications? Not your cup o tea, how about ten pages on organizational behavior? No takers? I don't blame you. I am so close to the end but I am so burnt out I can barely function.

We went to the end of our street for the first time since the big storm. The bridge was opened last week to general traffic not just residents. I should have stayed home. It was fucking awful. From the top of the bridge you could see the ocean. You never could before because there were houses there. Those houses are just gone. Other houses are collapsed on themselves. The debris and destruction nearly three months later is astounding. I cried to see these houses and neighborhoods I have lived near my whole life just destroyed, hell, just fucking gone. It was terrible.

My nine year old fell down the stairs at school. She went down on her belly and just grazed her head. The nurse thought she was fine but said we should keep an eye on her. She was just fine. Problem is our COBRA insurance ran out a week ago Wednesday. Private insurance policy is much more expensive than what we had under the COBRA. I wasn't expecting it to be more because how the hell could it be more? Well, it is and we can't afford it. Thankfully, the old man has been on Social Security disability long enough that he started medicare on January 1. The kids & I have nothing right now and I have such a shit feeling in the pit of my stomach over it. In March we have the evaluations for her possible cerebral palsy so I have to pull a fucking rabbit out of my hat soon.

I am having a terrible time with feelings of depression and anxiety. I know what I need to do but just don't do it. Exercise is non-existent but that's nothing new. Eating has been shit. Not complete shit because I don't keep much shit in the house but I have been eating way too much. Not making excuses just stating the facts.

Not exactly a happy place here. I am reading all your blogs but not commenting much. Contrary to the verbal vomit above, I just don't have a whole lot to say.

You sure you don't want to write a paper for me?